For you fathers of defiant adolescents, you are very, very important. I don’t believe you understand how important are. Far more than simply throwing a baseball, or letting your daughter know that she’s precious, your relationships with your defiant adolescent is just as important as life or death. Your relationship with your teen can really save their life, and then again, your lack of a relationship with your teen can really hurt their life. Your presence or lack of it speaks a lot to your teen.
Do you ever find yourself in between the struggle of being a father or being a pal or buddy to your son? I do. The hard truth is that you are called to be a father, not a friend. A natural friendship is born as your son grows older, but for now, father him. There is so much time to hang out and have fun with your son, but there is also plenty of time to continue to lead him and guide him throughout his life.
There is one important connection between all males, even if they don’t express it. It is this: Sons desire to hear and know that they are growing into strong, young men. As they grow, they need to know that they have what it takes to take on this world. Guess who implants that seed of knowledge for them? Guess who the most important external factor here is? It’s you…, the father.
In closing, let’s talk about the most important thing you can do as a father of a defiant adolescent. Every single teen is met with hard times during their development. Parents must choose to continue the battle and move forward even when faced with circumstances that seem impossible.
Your responses and interactions with others teach a lot to your teen about how to treat people. So Dads, fathers, step-fathers, how are you treating people around you, especially while your defiant adolescent is watching you? Maybe that is why your teen is so defiant. I know you don’t want to hear it, but maybe they’re defiant because you’re defiant. Remember, your teen is watching every move you make because your teen wants to grow into a man just like you. They will imitate your every move in an effort to be a man.
One important position you must take is to simply be there. By being there, I’m implying that many times a father is there physically watching TV or something, but they aren’t there emotionally to interact with his teen. A teen needs that interaction! The conversation, the emotion, the hard times and the good all contribute to your teens growth and adolescence.
A lot of the time, I write things that some parents don’t want to hear. If you’re offended, I encourage you to find out why. What did I write that offended you? Just maybe, there’s something that offended you because you know that something is wrong, and you need to fix it.
I want you to know how thankful I truly am that you are fathering. To father a defiant adolescent is a daunting task, and to pursue a relationship with one is even harder. But, I know you are doing a great job and that you will continue to do so. Thank you for all you do.